Barbara Willis Kimbrell

Drunks, Monks and Mental Illness Barbara Willis Kimbrell

This book tells the story of recovery after taking the reader through the roots of the addiction and the journey it caused.

Often, I am asked, "What led you to recovery?" or "How did you recover?" I think, unless you are an addict, you don't really understand completely the concept that addiction is a brain disease. The symptoms of this disease include obsessive thinking, compulsions, the phenomenon of craving, rationalization, minimization and intellectualization. It is hard for me to explain what goes on in my mind. I am prone to racing thoughts still, but after learning how to manage my illnesses, both depression and addiction, I know that I have to be gentle with myself and accept that I will never be cured and I will always be recovering. And that certainly beats the other alternatives: jails, institutions or death. Many of us who are in recovery insist we are blessed. We have a spiritual program that helps us be our best versions of ourselves, live our lives according to our value systems as best we can (instead of believing one way and living another, which tends to leave a huge gaping hole in the gut), having meaningful relationships and understanding the concept of pure joy vs. maniacal laughter while under the influence.

I guess I attribute my recovery to: 1) a spiritual awakening, which I cannot define or understand; 2) people believing in me, especially Maija in the beginning and later on, my sponsor; 3) my recovery network (even strangers like the bartender in the bar); 4) service work, including working with others in the 12 step rooms; 5) my profession, which lends itself to a living reminder of who I am; 6) picking up and using the tools that I have learned (going to meetings, recognizing my own triggers that make me think of using, getting a sponsor, reading the literature and applying the steps in all my daily interactions as best I can; 7) and accepting that addiction is a disease and I have it.
So with that new belief system engraved in both my head and heart, I move through each day. And each day is exactly what it is supposed to be.