Roy Mendelsohn

Pearls: from Irritation to Beauty Roy Mendelsohn

Somewhere in the course of almost everyday I will hear someone comment about a commited relationship. What is surprising to me is how frequently it is simply taken for grantedthat to be commited is a positive quality. I shake my head in disbelief. The word commited is most often used in regard to jails and mental hospitals where it is quite apprpriate. In a human relationshipto be tied down in this fashion, it seems to me, does not leave much room for anyone to grow. There is something off base when such an attachment is seen as a desirable goal. Having duty and obligation assume this kind of priority, so as to rule a relationship, would have to limit the freedom of both parties. The concern about eliminationg commitment as a necessary component of an intimate tie centers around the idea that freedom would only result in infidelity. Unfortunately the idea that commitment strengthens intimacy is clung to, despite all evidence pointing to the fallacy of this belief. Maintaining this illusion can offer some sense of security, false though it may be, and with it ease the anxiety one or both parties my horbor that they will be abandoned or betrayed. In truth the less commited one is, and the more involved in developing and nourishing a foundation of friendship, the more that intimacy is enhanced. Sexuality is then a major avenue for strengthening the bonds of the relationship. Friendship welcomes spontaniety and appreciates the value of the truth. Confident knowledge of this encourages what is best and constructive for both. So any problem can be worked out. It is based upon integrity, compassion, and a common devotion to finding clarity.